My HoneyNut

This post is a week and one day late...but I had to do it. Last Saturday, October 18th, my little cousin Danielle (AKA: my HoneyNut) turned 18! Holy crap, I'm getting old. I have had some of the most memorable moments with this girl and the more and more I reminisce, the more and more I realize how much I adore her! We've gone from playing "house" and dress up (I was the mom, she and her, just as beautiful sister Racquel, were my daughters) to her visiting me in my own home and going to comedy shows. There are numerous, numerous stories I can share, but that could go on and on. So, I will share one. One which I believe will show how warm of a heart she has, no matter how "hard" she tries to be sometimes. I don't even think she will remember this.

I had to be about 12 or 13, so she was 4 or 5.

Before going on, please note that I was...okay, still am...a very sensitive person. I hate people being mad or yelling at me, particularly my mom. When I get yelled at, I cry. I can't help, I just do. 

Anyway, Danielle and the rest of the family came to visit my mom and I. Earlier that day, we had gone to the community pool. Carelessly, I left my glasses at the pool. Later that night, I realized that I didn't have them and I could not for the life of me remember where I put them! So, after an hour of squinting and trying to look for them I realized I needed to tell my mom. Frustrated with my carelessness (I lost my glasses about one a week), she began to yell at me; even though I'm sure she said, "I'm not yelling Precious, I'm speaking sternly and loudly" but at that age, anything above a normal decibel for indoor speech, I considered yelling. Anyway, I started crying. Not just a few tears, but sobbing. My mom then made me go to the pool to look. And behind me, came little Danielle. She walked with me to the pool. Initially, I couldn't find the glasses, so I just sat and kept crying. A few seconds later, I looked over and Danielle is crying as much as I am. "Why are you crying," I asked her. She looks at me and says, "because your mom yelled at you and made you cry." In that moment, I was like this little girl has one of the sweetest hearts I have ever known.

Growing up, she at times had a rough exterior (for reasons that are clear to me), but no matter what, I saw that she was more than that and she cares hard for her family and friends. Has there been days where she has annoyed the crap out of me or that I have been so mad at her I've wanted to strangle her, absolutely. But, no matter what- she will always be my little Danielle that I love oh so much!

Words cannot express how proud I am of her. Throughout the years, she has had her difficult times, but she has grown into one of the most poise, confident, and beautiful young ladies I know! I truly hope that she continues to keep her head on her shoulders, keep dreaming big, and accomplish all her goals.

To my little HoneyNut- no matter how hard life gets, I wholeheartedly believe that you will make it through. Know that I am always here for you. I love you and welcome to adulthood!

So Cute and Innocent

My other 2/3rds. Sisters!!

I have no words....

Road Trip!

That smile....

Palm Beach for Lexie's recital! ~'05

Sean's 1st birthday! Also, one of my favorite pictures of her!! ~'06 

Her 14th Birthday, October 2008

December 2010

May '12, Pool Party!

Her first job! Working on her 18th birthday. Told you adulthood is lame ;)

Night of her 18th birthday. Looking absolutely fabulous for her homecoming dance.

The time will pass anyway....

MCAT score came. Before I divulge into that, I HAVE to THANK all my family, friends, and co-workers who supported, encouraged, listened, and sat by my side while I've been going through one of the most mentally exhausting processes I've ever gone through (and I know it's only the beginning....). With them, I truly feel like anything is possible. So, thank you! :-)

Anyway,...scores were released on Tuesday. Am I upset?- no. Disappointed?- a little. I didn't get my "dream" score, nor is it a very competitive score, however, with my grades, experience, motivation, and passion, I think I have a small chance of getting into a school...so that makes me happy.

For the first time, in what seems like forever, I can see a future for myself. That sounds a bit dramatic, so let me explain. For the past 2 years, I have known what I have wanted, but honestly, I felt like it was SO far out of reach. There were times that I had so many different thoughts racing through my mind:

• "I may not ever get into medical school...what can be my back up so I can still accomplish my goal of helping others? PhD? hmm...not for me. DrPH?- maybe...though I would miss not having clinical knowledge" 
• "Is it worth it to keep going?" 
• "Gosh, by the time I get there, I will be soooo old!" 
• "What about a husband and kids, will that happen if I keep so focused on this?"

The list can go on and on. But, for the first time, I can answer these questions. Yes, I will get into medical school. Yes, it is all worth it. No, I won't be soooo old, just a little old ;). And, the husband and kids will come when the time is right.

For the first time, I don't feel envious (embarrassed to say because I'm not an envious person) of those who are my age and already have everything in order.

For the first time, I feel like "I have a chance." That's all I've ever wanted. Because I improved (many points since the first time I took it), I have gained even more confidence that I really can do this and I can only keep getting better. I took the past couple days to really think about what I want to do. So, I made the decision to apply; even to schools I know I most likely wouldn't get into, but what the heck. right? But, I've also decided to retake the MCAT in January (for the 4th time may I add) because I truly feel that I can improve my score even more. So, if I don't get in anywhere (which I'm okay with), I can be on top of it for next application cycle. Just gotta keep going....

Time. It's one of those things that freak me out. Like I've mentioned previously, I like to plan and plans don't always go accordingly. As a woman, it's sometimes hard to want to have that "dream" career, but to also want to have a family, so, naturally I worry about that (and I know I'm not the only one). As I said above, I sometimes think that this career path I've chosen for myself is taking so long and sometimes, it makes me want to rethink it...but then, I snap out of it and I believe I can make it work. I just gotta go with it.

A friend of mine posted this quote on her Facebook Tuesday afternoon and I loved it. If I had to give someone advice- a person who is struggling to accomplish some goal or dream, whatever it may be, I would say the following....

Weekend Recap

This past weekend was one full of wonderfulness! How could it not- it included time with one of my best friends, a baby shower for another great friend (CONGRATULATIONS Rachel and Mike!), crab fest (not an actual fest- we just ate lots of crab), twisty treat (best ice cream parlor ever!), and Taken 2 (trachea!).

Ala decorating her cards! Instead of buying baby shower cards, we are asked to write on stationary, either a note to Rachel on motherhood or a note to the baby- such a cute idea! 

Arts and Craft on my hotel bed (definitely not as neat as Ala's)- I really don't have an artsy side, but I sure do love to pretend ;)

Final product- our gift to Rachel! We got her a nursery rhymes book, complete with CD, a Disney storybook (a must have in my opinion!), and a picture frame all packed in a pretty pink storage basket!  

Gifts everywhere! :)

Not only was this cupcake gluten and dairy free, it was absolutely delicious!! And pretty!

Rachel (on the right) opening our present and reading the card!! 

Three Amigas! She's so cute pregnant- love it!

SO much crab!! I was in heaven!

Excited for her crab!

Loving our bibs!!!

On a different note- week 5 of my 5K training starts tomorrow! :) Half way there, it's definitely becoming a little more difficult, but I'm pretty determined to keep going. It's really not so bad. The thought of running is always a bit miserable, and while I'm actually doing it, I pretty much just repeat motivational phrases in my head over and over (hehe), but it's the BEST feeling when I'm done!

And a final note...tomorrow's the day! MCAT scores are released at 5pm, so I will check once I get home. I have a number of thoughts running through my head. I just really don't know what to think. I try to keep them positive, but truthfully, sometimes it's hard. One minute, I envision myself seeing the score and feeling overjoyed. Immediately signing on and hitting submit on my applications (I made the decision to put it off because I cannot fathom spending money if my score is not competitive enough). After, I immediately rip down the three notecards I have stuck up with my "dream" score (1 on my bathroom mirror, 1 at my desk, and 1 on the back of the front door). Then, jump in joy at not having to retake this exam. But, then the next minute, I envision myself seeing my score, feeling extremely disappointed, embarrassed, and unintelligent. Then, finding ways to get my courage back up, so that I can start studying again in the next couple weeks. It's been the constant back and forth in my head this entire month, because I honestly don't know how I feel, one minute I know for a fact I had to improve, but then I think of the questions I missed and passages I didn't know or understand and think, Oh Gosh, I probably did worse.

I have kept my faith in God and believing that everything happens for a reason and I will end up where I am meant to be. It's just hard when I truly, wholeheartedly believe that I'm meant to be a physician and community leader. It's where my passion lies! Anyway, I will go to bed tonight, pray, and no matter what happens, keep my head held high; no matter what, I know that I'm blessed in so many ways :)

Hope everyone had a Happy Monday!! :)

Smoothies, Cupcakes, and Grey's Anatomy

The past week and a half has been pretty stressful at work; my supervisor has been out sick, a friend of mine had his last day, and HIV research is booming! The work keeps piling up, but I feel like I'm not making a dent in the stack. For a type A personality, like myself, feeling like I'm not in control of my work is quite unsettling. I felt this way once before, when I first started, about a year ago and a half ago. After 6 months, much work, including working during my off week at Christmas, I was finally able to get things under control. I felt like I knew what I was doing and met my deadlines without much stress. I want to get back there, now. I do not plan on working during Christmas break again- no bueno.

Anyway, today was particularly stressful for me. It all just hit me, I have SO much to do, in so little time. Normally, I would take a step back, regroup my racing thoughts, make a plan, and start from there. However, today, I decided to take a step back...eat a cupcake, drink a guava, coconut, and mango smoothie, and watch Grey's Anatomy (three of my favorite things)!

Turned out to be a great lunch break :)

I had been craving a cupcake for days now, but have been staying away. But, after a day like today, I just said "whatever," grabbed my keys and wallet, and drove over to Gigi's Cupcakes, which happened to be next door to Tropical Smoothie (the workers here were so nice- didn't hate me for basically coming up with my own smoothie!). So, the cupcakes, totally worth talking about because they were delicious! I had actually never been there before, and I must say, worth the hype. I actually didn't realize that this was a franchise until I googled it after. I got the Wedding Cake (white cake with frosting) and the Pumpkin White Chocolate. I indulged in the Wedding Cake first. So moist, dense, and a texture close to that of an angel food cake. I was pleasantly surprised. I ate the pumpkin 4 hours later (planed on saving it for tomorrow, but who was I kidding). Anyway, it had a similar texture as the wedding cake, with little white chocolate surprises throughout! YUMMY! I will say, it was a little too much icing for me, but that's because I'm not big on icing, just the cake part.

Anyway, this nice break did help clear my head a bit, though I still don't know where I'm going to start tomorrow. But that's okay, because I know that in the end, I always get it done! *fingers crossed*

Happy Tuesday (AHH! I get my MCAT scores a week from tonight), here's to a better tomorrow (can't indulge in cupcakes everyday)! :)